The Sun, The Moon and The Truth
by Ensteinium
Summary: He doesn't know how it happened or what he did, but when he comes to there is ice and water and (blood) everywhere. There is water in his lungs and frostbite on his fingers. The room is soaked and his nose is clogged with sea salt and oh god he's drowned someone again, he's killed another person. Bending!AU


**Basically, just the One Piece verse, but with bending. Devil Fruits included. Also, no Avatar (yet... muahahaha!)**

* * *

"Zoro, can you bend?"

Luffy motored over, hovering on his ball of air as he spoke. "I've never seen you bend, but non-benders are pretty rare, so I was wondering."

_-she laughed, a flash of fire- she's dead, Kuina's dead- they say she drowned, someone killed her- probably that boy, the one who's always fighting her? He's a waterbender I think- don't know why her father still keeps him around- _

"No." He shrugs, leaning back against the mast. He won't say anything about mental blocks and survivor's guilt. He won't say that he _can't_ bend, that bending is horrible and evil and he'll never bend water, never ever again-

"I can't bend." He caresses the hilt of his swords gently and chooses his words carefully. "I don't need bending though." His voice is heavy and his eyes are somber, and his words carry a hidden meaning.

Luffy doesn't really understand, but then he doesn't understand a lot of things, so he just nods and accepts it and zooms away on his ball of wind.

* * *

Mihawk shows no signs of being a firebender, or a bender at all for that matter. As Zoro lays on the wooden deck and bleeds out through his chest, there is a certain relief. He doesn't know if could handle killing another firebender, even for his dream.

The candle on Mihawk's tiny boat flickers and flares with each strike, but goes unnoticed.

* * *

Fighting with Arlong and his crew is a nightmare.

All fish men are benders. A fishman who can't bend water is like an airbender who can't breathe. It just doesn't work. Arlong Park has water everywhere and his enemies use it without hesitation. He wonders how Nami, a firebender herself, can handle it.

* * *

Loguetown isn't so bad in and of itself. It's the people in it that Zoro can't stand. Seeing that marine girl easily dispatch the group of thugs with her katana is like a stab to the heart. Every moment he spends around her feels like he's drowning (_just like she did_). The more time he spends around her, the harder it is to breathe and eventually he can't take it anymore.

He runs off with his tail between his legs and water in his lungs.

* * *

It's hard sometimes, because he's a bender whether he likes it or not, even though he can't actually control it. Sometimes when his emotions run high, the water churns and froths and he freezes.

Sometimes when he fights with the love cook or argues with the witch, the tides will rise and rock the boat and he panics because there are firebenders in his crew and and water is dangerous and bad and- and-

Sanji and Nami both give him weird looks when he stops in the middle of sentence and suddenly walks away. They don't ask questions though, because they know that everyone on the crew has their secrets.

* * *

It's difficult for him, diving into the sea to rescue Luffy. He hates water so much (_he fears it_) and the ocean is the largest body of water there is and it's so dangerous-

_but it's even more dangerous to Luffy. _

That thought alone is the only thing that keeps him sane, keeps him going, keeps him swimming as he looks for his captain under the waves.

* * *

He doesn't like Drum, he thinks. There is snow everywhere, water everywhere. Thankfully, he isn't the only one and Sanji wholeheartedly agrees with wanting to get the hell out of there. They stay though, waiting for Nami to get better and they gain a new crew member as well. It turned out not to be all that bad.

He still couldn't wait to leave.

* * *

Alabasta is beautiful, he thinks.

The crew complains of sand and heat and dryness and poor Chopper can barely take it, but Zoro is out of his element and it is amazing. Vivi looks at him, questioning, but he just shrugs back and grins.

When no one is looking, he rolls around in the sand and revels in the dry gritty earth and soaks in the heat.

(_he almost wishes he could stay_)

* * *

When Robin joins, another waterbender in the crew, he is struck with fear. There is distrust of course- she's All Sunday, Baroque Works, an enemy- but most of all there is _fear_. He uses wariness as a cover. He doesn't trust her within ten miles of his nakama, not when he knows nothing about her, not with their shared past, not when he sees her bend water-

Not with her knowledge and her keen eyes and her abilities. Not when his secret could so easily be discovered. Not when his crew is at risk of water and death every single moment she is there.

* * *

Sometimes he wonders, late at night, about the mysteries of the world. He's heard about fishmen with devil fruit that go insane because they can't swim anymore. He wonders if it is the same for human waterbenders. To never be able to communicate with their element.

Zoro knows its possible- he himself only touches water when absolutely required- but then Zoro's not exactly a great example of perfect mental health either.

* * *

Skypeia is both heaven and hell at the same time, and none of it has to do with the battles and false gods.

They sail on the clouds. _Clouds_. Not the sea, but air and unbendable water. It's a relief and a terror all at once and he doesn't know how to feel. He can't feel the rock and away of the ship and the push and pull of the tide. He wakes up suspended in air and feels so lost. But in the sky there's no danger of drowning his crew accidentally and he can finally fight unhindered.

But at night it's a different story. He's so close to the moon now and he can barely resist it. He feels the push and pull, even with the blue ocean so many leagues below him, and he sways on the spot, as if perpetually drunk. He doesn't sleep a single night during their stay in the sky.

He comes to trust Robin though- she's earned his trust through her actions. He can't help but still be wary though. It has nothing to do with her though. It's nothing she could help.

* * *

Sometimes Zoro wonders at the cruelty of the world; or maybe it's his own insanity that he ponders. Why, when he is so scared of water, is he a pirate living on the seas? Why, for that matter, is a waterbender so scared of his own element? Why is he taking the risk of being near two firebenders that he could so easily kill (_again_)?

He knows the answers, and they all have to do with nakama. That doesn't stop him from asking the questions though.

* * *

When the marine Admiral, the infamous waterbender Aokiji attacks, Zoro is figuratively frozen stiff.

The rest of his crew mates aren't so lucky.

Sanji has hypothermia. Robin and Luffy almost die.

His fear and loathing tenfolds. Water is evil.

* * *

When they get to Water 7, he is constantly on edge. The name itself is taunting him, but the fact that the city is lined with canals and the streets are rivers is what really gets him. Land is his respite, but there is no peace for him here. He can't find a spot in the city that wasn't in meters length of water. When he hears about the Aqua Laguna, he momentarily goes stiff with fright and can't wait to get out of this watery prison of death.

* * *

Fighting on top of the Sea Train was hell. The ocean spray and water everywhere, ruining his concentration and threatening to throw him into the water's depths. Everyone marvels at how completely soaked he is when he gets back down. Luffy was wet, yes, but Zoro had been totally doused, straight to the bone, like the water and been attracted to him-

(_aiming for him_).

* * *

It is fighting Kaku where he loses control.

Each element has its foundations and its points. Fire is honor and loyalty. Air is freedom and truth. Earth is solidarity and strength.

Water is family and love.

"Nothing is can stand in the way of Justice. Not even that woman."

Zoro doesn't have family. He never has either. But he has nakama, nakama whom he loves, nakama that mean the world to him and he thinks that's better than any kind of blood relatives he could ever have.

So when the marine, the CP9 guy, speaks and Robin's fear streaked face flashes before his eyes, he is overcome. The (_blood)_ rushes in his ears and all he can hear is the pounding of the ocean waves and (_suddenly there is water)_. He doesn't know how it happened or what he did, but when he comes to there is ice and water and (_blood) _everywhere. Kaku's form is a broken mass, twisted and crumpled. There is water in his lungs and frostbite on his fingers. The room is soaked and his nose is clogged with sea salt and oh god he's drowned someone again, he's killed another person with this damned curse-

He feels no remorse this time, no horror. Because as much as he hates water and all that it is, /he is still water/.

And water does not stand for threats to family.

* * *

When people later remark about the tide and the ocean going crazy, like the moon itself had sworn vengeance, Sanji casually mentions that he had fought a waterbender- both a woman and a waterbender, he couldn't have fought anyone worse- everyone assumes that it had been her and questions no further.

If Zoro is silent and pale with trembling hands, it is from the considerable amount of blood he's lost and nothing more.

* * *

Zoro has rejected water and rejected it thoroughly. He drinks it because he must, if he is to continue living, but he doesn't touch it voluntarily.

He has also tried to reject the principals, goes as far to try and take on the principals of the other elements even. He takes on strength and solidarity from earth, and loyalty and honor from fire, and truth and freedom from air.

It doesn't work as well as he'd hoped, but now no one suspects him of being a waterbender, not with a personality like that.

* * *

When Franky joins the crew, something inside him despairs a little.

Another firebender.

It's nothing against Franky himself- Zoro has learned to put the past behind him and Franky has shown himself to be a good man, but he is a firebender all the same. Another person at risk. Zoro walks on eggshells around the man until he founds out that Franky is more machine than man anyways, and he's sacrificed the finer points of his bending ability for a better tolerance for water, a logical choice for when Aqua Laguna comes knocking.

* * *

(_Merry's funeral pyre is hot and bright and strong. Zoro sheds no tears. Everyone around him is crying, tears drip down their face and Zoro wonders why he isn't doing the same. The fire gradually dies and merry sinks into the sea. Something catches in his throat. It is what the crew wants, what Luffy and Usopp want, what merry would have wanted- but he hates it all the same.)_

_(another friend lost to water)_

* * *

When Zoro sees the new grassy deck of Thousand Sunny, something unclenches in his heart. He loves Merry and he always will, he'll never be able to replace him- but the grass and earth that will always be there, even in the middle of the sea, quickly grows on him and his love for Sunny is swift and strong.

* * *

Zoro will frequently curl up on deck, basking in the sunlight and sitting in the grass. It's not so strange; the deck had been one of his favorite places to sleep even on Merry. It shouldn't have to change on Sunny. If anyone notices that he starts to walk around barefoot more often, and curls his fingers and toes into the earth, no one mentions it.

* * *

"Are you sure you're not an earthbender marimo? You pretty much blend in with the grass- I bet you're half plant even."

Sanji makes a snarky comment about his hair as usual, but the reaction this time is different. He throws back an insult, but it doesn't have as much bite and Sanji backs off sensing that he's not in the mood.

Because Zoro had frequently wished he was an earthbender. Thousands of times had he wished. Earth is stable and dry and strong and everything that water isn't and everything he wants. Zoro knows he can never be an earthbender, no matter how hard he wishes, but he laments the fact that they don't have one in the crew. It's no surprise though. No sane earthbender would ever go out to sea, with no land to be seen for miles.

* * *

It is easier to become accustomed to Brook than it was Robin, as odd as it sounds. He may have been a living dead, but you can't drown the dead, especially if they bend water. It chafes his nerves still, but he had dealt with Robin, and so he would deal with Brook.

* * *

Ironically enough, it is Brook instead of Robin who discovers his shameful secret.

"You sway with the tides." He says, when Zoro chokes out an exclaimed how. "Your heart is in the ocean." And it doesn't make sense because he hates the ocean, he hates it so much, if he never saw water again it would be too soon-

And Brook, the silly skeleton that he is, is also older than all of them, twice as old as their oldest member and more _and he knows_.

"It's not uncommon for benders to be afraid of their own element." He whispers, not even looking at Zoro anymore. Somehow he knows- Zoro's not sure how because nobody knows, not sensei or Luffy or Robin-

"I've seen it quite a few times. The signs are always there."

Chopper asks Zoro why he's so pale later on, when Brook is dancing with Luffy and entertaining Usopp.

Zoro doesn't say anything, white knuckles matching Wado's hilt.

* * *

Brook doesn't tell anyone about his secret, his shame. Zoro still doesn't trust him though and gets back his shadow for trade. The silent agreement is there, though Brook wouldn't have said anything anyways. A shadow for a shadow, if you must.

* * *

Zoro doesn't like the colour blue. He especially doesn't like it when Luffy's skin is blue. It's a good power up for fighting and he's grateful for it, but Luffy is not meant to be blue.

Blue is the colour of asphyxiation and frostbite and water. Blue is everything Luffy should not be and the relief he feels when his skin is a normal colour again is tantamount.

* * *

Kuma arrives and Luffy is out cold and he's worn and weak and Luffy's going to die and for the first time since Kuina died, Zoro tries to bend.

It doesn't work.

He pulls and pushes and wishes and hopes and pleas and begs but the ocean doesn't hear his calls. He forces himself up and grabs his swords and tries to defend his captain.

It doesn't work.

Then he offers up his life.

He knocks out the cook- cooks are needed, you can't survive on the sea without a cook, especially not if you're Luffy- and gets on his knees.

It works.

The last thing he hears before his existence is swallowed by pain is the sound of the crashing tide.

* * *

He realizes eventually, that its not just the firebenders he's a danger to. Almost every single person in the crew is at risk because he is there. If they're not a firebender, they're a devil fruit user and god if that doesn't wrench his heart.

Usopp is the only one who's safe. To he was confused would be an understatement, when Zoro suddenly becomes an almost permanent fixture at his side.

* * *

Sometimes he wants to leave.

To get away from the sea and the fire and the devil and everything else out there. To continue on as he always had before (_before a silly boy in a strawhat changed his life_) and sail on alone, focusing only on his goal.

But he knows he couldn't leave his nakama (_he's leaving FOR them, for their safety-_) no matter what.

He decides late that night, staring at the starry sky, a bottle of sake to keep him company, that he is a very selfish man.

* * *

Mihawk finds out somehow. He's not sure how or why or what the signs he's showing that Brook mentioned are, but somehow Mihawk knows.

A swordsman with such a disability is weak, he says. You cannot be afraid of yourself.

And Zoro knows, _he knows dammit!_ but that doesn't change the fact that _he's fucking terrified_. He has tried, he really has. He stood in the ocean, submersed himself, went through the old half-forgotten bending forms.

Nothing.

Mihawk purses his lips and shakes his head, but agrees to teach him the way of the sword. The disappointment and disapproval is palpable.

* * *

Fishman Island, for all it's splendor, is _fucking terrible_.

The water is everywhere (_-he's drowning, he's drifting, he can't breathe-_) and no one is really comfortable. Luffy of course is fascinated, as he is with most things in life, but there's a stiff set to his shoulders that hadn't been there above water.

(Usopp isn't really comfortable either, but then Usopp isn't comfortable /anywhere/ that isn't on the ship.)

He and Sanji agree once again, to their horror, that they can't wait to get out of there.

What's even more disappointing is that the enemies weren't even strong.

* * *

**So! Another story that I am _immensely_ proud of! And yes, Zoro is extremely out of character. But hey, shit happens when you kill your best friend. Yeah, I tweaked a lot of shit. So now Zoro 's kind of a pussy, has PTSD and a lot of other issues.**

**Huzzah!**

**I know that I skipped a lot of scenes, but I couldn't really think of anything for them. if you have any suggestions, feel free to drop me a message! I have nothing written for after Fishman Island yet either. I wanted to end this chapter before the time skip, but Fishman Island was already written and I don't just want a doc with only that. Maybe I'll change when the next chapter gets written...**

**Ha, probably not.**

**Also, I may have made it seem here that firebenders like, DIE when they touch water. It is not so. BUT, they are a lot weaker to it then any other elements or non-benders. It fucks up their inner fire or whatever. So Zoro may be going overboard but, again, he's not really the posterchild for mental health right now.**


End file.
